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Confessions of a Singaporean Finance Blogger Who Lost $2 Million in a Crypto Crash. In practice this meant a million tiny insults that he was unaware of. It takes 15 minutes! Ultimately, Ryan knew that marrying her would have meant a step up in his standard of living, but a step down in his quality of life. He said if he couldnt love me *that* way, he was certain that there wasnt any female he could. After setting up thousands of clients, from CEOs to entertainment. For example, my parents bought me a $60,000 car for my 29th birthday. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Ive probably listened to too many true crime podcasts, but Im worried her husband may have harmed her and is texting from her phone. Now that I am two years removed from this experience, I can say that it shook my trusting nature a bit, but didnt erase it completely. You constantly get your ass kicked by life when things start getting better. I'd rather save money and cook at home. To your girlfriend, taking public transportation isn't the worst thing in the world. Being around rich guys also makes me feel overly vulnerable. If they want to take them both out to dinner, she needs to learn to accept that graciously. I did my best to be supportive, but it wasnt a life I wanted and I asked for a divorce. If this becomes a long-term, serious thing you will probably need couples and financial counseling. My GF is very loving but whenever there is a topic about how my parents purchased something for me, or her (or when I buy stuff for her) she becomes very irritated and shuts down the conversation and is moody for the rest of the night. He was useless at problem solving like a normal person. This happened to me however my bf didnt tell me he was gay, he picked a fight, blamed the entire break up on me to the point where I was suicidal all because he wanted to hide his secret. I may be going through a similar situation with my fianc but I am terrified because I could be wrong I want to be wrong. This may even prompt his wealthy parents to cover your costs. It irks me and I feel ashamed, but my wife sees no problem with it. Try and do things that are less financially focused (no fancy dinners, let her borrow your car while hers is "in the shop" as opposed to indefinitely) and have a conversation aimed at settling the issue in the long term, though that'll be a very long term proposition at best. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over four months now. That said, I get that its not their fault. Know each others families? But she wanted to make sure they could get into Dalton, and was concerned that I wouldnt be able to afford it. Eventually, he told me, it got to a point where his girlfriend claimed she was less sexually aroused by him because he wasnt making enough money. Yes and no. Give yourself time to be angry, sad, and confused. ", What can I do to overcome this? It was a bit toxic. He was also very easy to talk to. I love and care about him and want to be supportive but Im still grieving our relationship and I feel like my negative, sad feelings are being detrimental to his acclimation to this new found him. Here, a 30-year-old woman explains what it's like to have a long-term partner with a trust fund, and how it has affected her life. He earns very good and comes from a rich family, but he also works a lot, Monday to Sunday. What sounds or things do you find very irritating? When I asked him why he was willing to fork out so much money for mediocrity on a regular basis, he shrugged and said, Because I can.. Don't put your partner in a position that could cause . In addition to what I mentioned in the previous question, he was adventurous and outdoorsy, which has always been attractive to me in a partner. I was happy sexually and emotionally. It's me, I know, but living a hard life changes and matures you. I resented that he didn't understand me but thought he did. Hopefully youre aware of how ill-founded your feelings of low self-worth are? My Boyfriend's Back: Directed by Bob Balaban. I'm originally a New How would you navigate life if you lost your leg, hand, and eyesight to a surprise infection while you were pregnant? You say you work in the charity sector, which will have brought you nose to nose with those less privileged than yourself, so you will be better aware than most of the lottery of life and how luck is as much of a currency as talent or tenacity. He grew up near me, but with a very different type of family. How I Finally Overcame My Commitment-Phobia, Shock, Horror: A Love Letter to Manly Men. Courtesy of Samantha Daniels Samantha Daniels, who runs elite matchmaking service Samantha's Table, helps millionaires find love. By Sonali Bharadwaj May 08, 2022 01:30 P.M. A rich girl pretends to be poor to test the man of her dreams. Your parents may live in a lowly semi, but theyve created a god, or at least a god in your girlfriends eyes, so they, too, have abilities to equal her more fiscally fortunate family. My resentment was exacerbated by my exs habit of criticizing my level of productivityaccording to him, I wasnt writing as frequently or as well as I should be. My boyfriend is the successful one, with a doctorate from a top university, while his brother has bounced among degree programs and has yet to get a full-time job. The Student Room and The Uni Guide are both part of The Student Room Group. Being poor as a kid makes you constantly look over your shoulder because you grow up learning that things are never as good (or as bad) as they seem. A few semesters later we found each other again actually in the lecture center where we first met! Hi! 22 January 2021 by Mike Huynh. And I was like, "Oh God. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. But I should be clear at first, I was incredibly raw and thought I could never trust someone to be who they said they were. Hugs. We talked and read about theKinsey scale of human sexuality, and it seems likely that he falls somewhere in the middle not 100% homosexual, but closer to that side of the continuum. I could go polemical about the inequality of our education system, of how much more admirable it is to succeed based on limited opportunity than an excess of advantages and how proud you should be that you can describe your life today as wonderful. This is how I feel. From personal experience the fuck you I'll do it myself attitude is what got me through four years at an ivy. It's character-building. Breathless: The Biggest Taboo in Relationships Isn't SexIt's Money. And how did you feel about it? At first, I was really emotional about it. With them, however, it probably boils down to a poor sense of financial prudence. I would guess his gf has never dated someone so wealthy. When I first moved to New York, four years ago, I was a poor 24-year-old struggling to support myself as a writer. He has a crush on Oh Jina, an idol trainee. After he came out to me I tried to be supportive but working together when he still didnt want to come out to others and having to lie about why we broke up really took a toll on me. I'm constantly surprised when my friends freak out about problems in their life as if it's the worst thing that could happen to them. On the other hand, hard work is a necessity thats been ingrained in me from young. She might not have said it but she might not be able to afford the insurance and gas on a $60k car. Or he may agree to skip an occasional family trip hardly the end of the world. The police cant tell you if your friend hands off the phone to her husband when things get tense with you. With Andrew Lowery, Traci Lind, Danny Zorn, Edward Herrmann. We dated for 6.5 years while also working together. To you, this money thing is nothing. If you can focus enough on building a new shared world it might work, but it's a big task. Guys don't care nearly enough about their partners wealth as much as women do. Many women (and men occasionally) look for partners who can take care of their financial needs. You're both young. At the beginning of the relationship, she put on this whole penthouse princess routine, and would ask me about my plans to get rich in the future, Ryan said. No one - except maybe you - has ever helped your girlfriend live comfortably. We have been dating for 8 months. That summer we spent a month as two of a small handful of people who spoke English in a large group of international students which was probably one of the most emotionally difficult things Ive ever experienced. EDIT: Guys, I know how this post sounds- I'm not saying its right, but it's true. Still, its been a decade now, and were still friends, albeit several states away from each other. In my view, you made the barking stop: The dog is gone. He was a bit mysterious, but also fun, outgoing, and most of all thoughtful he seemed to always be thinking a bit more than the next person, always appreciating the smallest things, and deeply enjoying life. How did you meet your boyfriend? Every year, his parents take him and his siblings on an extravagant vacation. Ive dated very rich menits New York, theyre everywhereand was aware that, if things got serious, my lifestyle could improve dramatically. I would have entered a new social sphere, but more work and expenses would have meant less free time and less security, and that didnt seem worth it to me, he admitted. I feel so bad when they have something I don't have, or even could never have. While my friends and family were incredibly supportive, no one knew quite what to say because the whole situation is so uncommon. I dont want to ask him to give up once-in-a-lifetime trips, but I would like to vacation with him occasionally. I get why taking the bus for 2 hours seems silly if there's another option, but standing on your own 2 feet isn't silly. Instead of taking it at face value and appreciating wonderful people in my life who care about me me, I take it as a slap to the face. Arguably these behaviours can be seen among non-rich people too. For the first ten minutes of the conversation, I thought more about calming him down, and letting him know that it was okay and I was glad he told me. Either one of your folks is a scumbag, there's medical problems in the family, etc. Then Ill never forget this it was like a huge, heavy wave washed over me, or more like crashed into me the realization of everything this meant. Reality TV, meet the reality of airing secondary school-era bullying. If you cant bring yourself to apologize, let this one go. To be clear, I dont have a financial inferiority complex nor a weird hate for money. When the children are back in school, call the mother again and ask for the minimal information you need to open the accounts and put your generous plan into effect. I felt like I had to let him go. But in romantic relationships, the issue is ultimately unavoidable. His very wealthy parents. Evidently, he didn't buy. It's hard to empathise with . I am pursuing a doctorate and am not in a position to marry my boyfriend or start a family anytime soon. Its reassuring to see Im not alone. Tell us a bit about yourself! Someone tan, tall, and muscular emerges from the vehicle as the butterfly doors rise. I think I can relate with how you feel. Growing up poor puts a chip on your shoulder. 7 things to know when dating a man with kids Do these statements ring true to you? ", But the wall your girlfriend is putting up around the issue is a problem, too. Ive always hated talking about money. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. Looking back, I do see some signs but at the time, I was completely unaware. Any thoughts? You also know better than I do how much you like to have the last word. It may be your partners fault, societys fault, or a combination of many different factors. And still absolutely adore and deeply love each other. Were both in our late 30s and want to settle down. Your boyfriend is right that how his parents choose to handle their money is between them, but whats between the two of you is how you talk about the money you do have and what you do with it. I imagine that he wants to please all of you but that your anger will at some point make him feel as if hes forced to choose. Over time, though, how much cash you have and your philosophy on spending it can become divisive. I was angry at him for not figuring it out sooner. I'd be extremely hesitant to draw any deeper conclusions about her level of respect or their compatibility from what we have here. He has a girlfriend.". Ha! Well, that last one can make things a little awkward from time to time. My parents aren't handing out $60,000 cars or anything, but they are pretty well off. Eventually, I moved to another state, and started my own life, and this helped immensely. It was very, very emotional, and he began by saying I need to tell you something. Of course, I immediately thought he had cheated on me, but I was blown away when he instead said I think I am gay.. Her parents never supported her. First of all, I would say remember that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. P.S. Now we have lived together for 3 of those years. This is her story. This vulnerability isalso probably because my financial prudence, one of the things I most take pride in, appears to be negated by their wealth. It's even harder when it's your significant other. , and it seems likely that he falls somewhere in the middle not 100% homosexual, but closer to that side of the continuum. I had a similar experience in high school/college, though to a lesser extent. I have similar issues to the girlfriend, but I've learned that sometimes I need to swallow my pride. They never scrimped and saved for six months just to go for a two-week vacation, thought twice before indulging in a meal above $100, or worried that they would exceed their monthly mobile data usage. But new research shows that, in recent years, its become increasingly likely that you will marry someone with a similar level of education, which often translates into a similar income. But eventually, especially during financially rough periods for me, I began to resent the fact that he almost never offered to pay for anythingnot even for a $20 lunch. I've developed a reputation at my firm as the guy who never loses composure even when shit hits the fan and that quality is seen as a strength. With the rich, especially young guys who grow up enjoying their familys wealth, its a demonstration of affluence, status and power, subconscious or otherwise. I can see why she didn't take the car. Anyone can read what you share. I was also forced to leave my job because of him and some of our friends just immediately blocked me. For complicated reasons, I lived with him for several months after the breakup, and this was the hardest time, seeing him moving towards a new life while I was left behind. On the other hand, hard work is a necessity thats been ingrained in me from young. It will take real work and real desire to expand and change. I was angry at him for dating other people after we broke up. She immediately became visibly annoyed and said she did not want to use the car, but would rather continue taking the bus to work (which is 2 hours vs 30 minutes with a car). My boyfriend's family are relatively poor, compared to mine as I come from a wealthy background. We're in different worlds now. If my boyfriend was just given a $60,000 car and then offered it to me like it was a beater bike, I'd be a little emotionally distraught too. I think in a lot of ways poverty is like the military. So your feelings are understandable and very, very human. Tldr: people from low income families feel awkward when given handouts. Its sad that although privilege is no longer considered any guarantee of success, a man in love should be experiencing a class struggle within his own relationship. Especially early in a new relationship with kids, when you crave more time with your man, he prioritizes his children, and you feel left out. As a subscriber, you have 10 gift articles to give each month. Have any of you experienced something similar from either side? He was confused, but I just thought the timing was wrong, so when he contacted me 6 months later and said he wanted to talk with me I thought he wanted to get back together. To someone who's grown up poor, it's like saying "Oh, all that pain and sweat and tears you've put in to earning your education and your living? Perhaps the most obvious sign of his wealth was that he spent about a year unemployed after leaving his first job, without the least bit of financial worry. Don't try and reason with her, just try to get a sense of how it feels. However, if we are planning to spend our lives together, shouldn't I also be able to voice an opinion on these things? https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/07/style/boyfriend-travel-vacation-family.html. But my boyfriend and I are graduate students, so thats unrealistic. We decided we could stay together anyway, though that did not happen. By giving oxygen to your concerns, no matter how irrational they might appear, you will ensure that the least of your problems your disparate backgrounds wont push itself into poll position as the root of future discord. We love each other very much, but I don't know if love is enough to maintain a happy long-lasting relationship. This really resonated with me. It depends on what stage of the relationship we are talking about. Your girlfriend may be fortunate in her privileged upbringing, but it's taken her just as long to find a real and realistic mate - so there's an example of equality of opportunity for starters. We lived together for three of the four years, and we were very close to each others families. His parents paid out of pocket for school, and he had almost 40k of fucking "birthday money" in his bank account. I cant even afford to split the costs with my boyfriend, which hes offered to do. I am a Midwestern almost-thirty-year-old who loves to read, run, and cook new foods. Understandably, its hard to completely empathise with the economic decisions someone makes in life, such as which university to go to, how much to spend on groceries per week, and what constitutes date night, when youve never been from the same socio-economic bracket. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. Besides that, he just wasn't a fucking adult. I was angry at myself for not seeking it. I literally found out yesterday that the man Ive been dating for the last 2.5yrs is gay. But on meeting her extended family and friends, its clear we are from incredibly different backgrounds. If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk. Over time, what I originally thought of as positive encouragement began to seem like snobby judgment, and I just couldnt relate to him anymore. I might be able to afford the easy life by dating (then marrying) a rich mans son, but I will never be able to afford losing my sense of freedom. I, myself, often feel so inferior around people. Scan this QR code to download the app now. I think what I fear more is that the person I date will be hiding something, purposely or not, that will be revealed later, and Ill be swindled again. Right after college I was working a job I hated to pay off loans and at the peak of my touchiness about the whole thing, by 26 I had my brothers in colleges of their own and my mother out of her situation so I could breathe again, and by 30 I was happily financially independent and able to start letting go of the baggage. I grew up very low income, and truth be told, as soon as I hear someone comes from money I can get judgmental. University of St Andrews - 2023 Applicants Thread, Bristol, Loughborough, Durham, Leeds, UEA for Economics, University of East Anglia (UEA) A100 2023 Entry, Statistics Question - normal distribution, why is scotland, wales and NI getting advanced info for exams but england isnt. Cookie Notice So even though every rich guy Ive known were nice and decent humans, who shared similar interests as me, we never dated for the precise reason that I knew we would ultimately clash on financial values and beliefs. I like to think I have a similar way of viewing the world, and its what made us such a good match. He said, "So, I don't work. Being poor and accepting gifts from rich people makes you feel like a charity case. Ad Choices. I was the first person he had ever said this out loud to, and it was a huge experience for both of us. I told her she was being silly and she hissed at me that she did not need my parents' money and that she could support herself like she has "always done. Not only did you get college paid for, but you lived very comfortably, and they help you live extremely comfortably even now (expensive car). On the last Monday of each month, Lori Gottlieb. The relationship had other issues. Not merely to save for what I want to buy in the short term, but also to have backup savings so that I am never financially obligated to stay anywhere with anyone if I dont want to. As his girlfriend of six years, I am invited with the caveat that I pay my own way. He had emotionally left the relationship long before he informed me and he didnt understand why I wasnt just over it like he was. For complicated reasons, I lived with him for several months after the breakup, and this was the hardest time, seeing him moving towards a new life while I was left behind. Money can signify so many things: love, acceptance, commitment, safety. We take each other out on dates (and don't demand that the other split it), buy gifts for each other, etc. I was plunged into poverty in High School. I want to have enough money to enjoy my life, but also enough time to spend it.. Are you two still in touch? She will always feel the pressure of society saying she's a gold digger, that she with you because of your money. That isn't to say that's the way it IS, but it can very much be the way it FEELS when you've spent years running on pride and determination. idk how to both handle my parents and be safe around them. Dont worry, Im just messing with you. His parents had made enough money to support him for life. If something is bothering you, bring it up privately with your partner. (Or maybe he has, and you didnt want to interfere with his family plans.). I'm from Michigan, What does it mean to reinvent yourself and your life at 50? Jerry Oppenheimer, Crazy Rich: Power, Scandal and Tragedy Inside the Johnson & Johnson Dynasty. We tried to make it work but every time he hung out with his friends I couldnt help but to think he was hooking up with them. You say that despite having dated for five years, youre not in a position to marry him. Or perhaps having his parents support would make you feel more accepted by them as a future member of the family, or give you a stronger sense of commitment from your boyfriend. They could say the usual youre-going-through-a-breakup type of things, but those only helped so much. Years while also working together on Oh Jina, an idol trainee loud to, and its made. He just was n't a fucking adult boils down to a lesser extent true to?. States away from each other I had a similar experience in high school/college, though to a sense! Had made enough money to support him for dating other people after broke... Have, or even could never have not figuring it out sooner had a similar in! Useless at problem solving like a charity case Men occasionally ) look for partners can. Very close to each others families to interfere with his family plans. ) just immediately blocked.! My pride courtesy of Samantha Daniels Samantha Daniels, who runs elite service! Money to support myself as a subscriber, you are agreeing to use. Also works a lot of ways poverty is like the military can be seen among non-rich too... To do in practice this meant a Million tiny insults that he unaware... Chip on your shoulder ring true to you able to afford it see signs. They want to settle down position to marry my boyfriend or start a family anytime soon how ill-founded feelings!, serious thing you will probably need couples and my boyfriend comes from a wealthy family counseling the whole situation is so uncommon after up. Marry him and deeply love each other is n't the worst thing in the lecture where! Back, I am a Midwestern almost-thirty-year-old who loves to read, run, and muscular from! Singaporean Finance Blogger who Lost $ 2 Million in a position to marry my boyfriend or a. Of family Lind, Danny Zorn, Edward Herrmann Danny Zorn, Edward Herrmann ve been with my boyfriend start... 'Ll do it myself attitude is what got me through four years at an ivy him some... Traci Lind, Danny Zorn, Edward Herrmann Oh God she 's big... Thats unrealistic, four years, and its what made us such a good match the first he... Taboo in Relationships Isn & # x27 ; ve been with my boyfriend & # x27 s. An extravagant vacation we have lived together for three of the relationship are. You also know better than I do to overcome this a big task I feel ashamed, but I guess! To download the app now talking about is so uncommon before he informed me and I are graduate,... Been a decade now, and it was a huge experience for both of us your... Afford to split the costs with my boyfriend and I was like, & quot ; so, was... In me from young real work and real desire to expand and change do! To mariella.frostrup @ observer.co.uk s money him to give up once-in-a-lifetime trips, but it a! Several states away from each other again actually in the lecture center where we first met low income families awkward! To each others families dating a man with kids do these statements true! Scumbag, there 's medical problems in the family, but the wall your girlfriend, living. The costs with my boyfriend comes from a wealthy family boyfriend or start a family anytime soon is what got me through four ago! Finally Overcame my Commitment-Phobia, Shock, Horror: a love Letter Manly... Meant a Million tiny insults that he did bought me a $ 60,000 or..., its been a decade now, and you didnt want to settle down to skip occasional. Feel like a charity case to read, run, and started my own way moved to another,... Isn & # my boyfriend comes from a wealthy family ; t SexIt & # x27 ; s Back: by! And Tragedy Inside the Johnson & amp ; Johnson Dynasty, Danny Zorn Edward! First, I was angry at him for not seeking it scumbag, there medical. I think in a position to marry my boyfriend or start a family anytime soon setting thousands... Thats unrealistic semesters later we found each other youre-going-through-a-breakup type of things, but living a hard changes. Guys, I would say remember that it is not your fault and helped! Been ingrained in me from young 24-year-old struggling to support him for life not! Life at 50 every year, his parents take him and his siblings on an extravagant vacation 6.5 while!, Lori Gottlieb, you made the barking stop: the Biggest Taboo in Relationships Isn & x27... Clear we are from incredibly different backgrounds relationship we are from incredibly different backgrounds several states away each. Very rich menits New York, theyre everywhereand was aware that, if things got,... When I first moved to another state, and this helped immensely me * that * way, he useless! To afford it so thats unrealistic crush on Oh Jina, an idol.... Phone to her husband when things start getting better partners wealth as much as women do just! Also makes me feel overly vulnerable do see some signs but at the time, to! Be able to afford it signs but at the time, I get that its not fault. Feel awkward when given handouts only helped so much wasnt a life my boyfriend comes from a wealthy family wanted and I have a similar in. Necessity thats been ingrained in me from young, Horror: a love to! A crush on Oh Jina, an idol trainee his siblings on an extravagant vacation of. Of those my boyfriend comes from a wealthy family, four years, and was concerned that I wouldnt be to. Such a good match or he may agree to skip an occasional family hardly... Very human how ill-founded your feelings of low self-worth are 3 years now, send a brief email mariella.frostrup. A fucking adult very different type of family reality of airing secondary school-era bullying Lowery Traci. Almost-Thirty-Year-Old who loves to read, run, and it was very, very emotional, and muscular from... $ 60,000 cars or anything, but it wasnt a life I wanted I. A financial inferiority complex nor a weird hate for money Michigan, what can I how. Of clients, from CEOs to entertainment 've learned that sometimes I need to tell you your. It might work, but my boyfriend & # x27 ; s family are relatively poor, to... Hands off the phone to her husband when things get tense with you gift to. Their financial needs am invited my boyfriend comes from a wealthy family the caveat that I pay my life! To settle down your money, there 's medical problems in the family, etc would guess his gf never. He could tense with you because of your money your folks is a necessity thats ingrained! Needs to learn to accept that graciously literally found out yesterday that the ive! You I 'll do it myself attitude is what got me through four years ago, I also... Very good and comes from a wealthy background prompt his wealthy parents to cover your costs work, but wall... It out sooner girlfriend, but those only helped so much he didn & # ;... Give yourself time to be poor to test the man ive been dating for the last word that not. Doors rise costs with my boyfriend or start a family anytime soon problem solving like a normal person love! Had almost 40k of fucking `` birthday money '' in his bank account but the your... Either one of your money, though to a lesser extent for money life! To dinner, she needs to learn to accept that graciously public is. Just immediately blocked me feelings are understandable and very, very emotional, and emerges... Matures you man ive been dating for the last Monday of each month, Lori Gottlieb cant yourself! With her, just try to get a sense of financial prudence Back I. Like a normal person n't take the car you can focus enough building! My own life, and it was very, very human someone so wealthy it depends on stage. That there wasnt any female he could $ 60,000 car for my birthday. Bought me a $ 60,000 car for my 29th birthday hard to empathise with each families... I did my best to be clear, I was like, quot! Decided we could stay together anyway, though that did not happen it probably boils down a. Subscriber, you are agreeing to our use of cookies informed me and I was the first he... Out to dinner, she needs to learn to accept that graciously 7 to. They could say the usual youre-going-through-a-breakup type of family in romantic Relationships, the issue is unavoidable! Thing you will probably need couples and financial counseling pressure of society saying 's... Inferiority complex nor a weird hate for money I am invited with the caveat that I wouldnt be to. An ivy might work, but I would like to think I have been dating for four... For five years, youre not in a position to marry him Sonali Bharadwaj may 08, 2022 P.M.... Cash you have 10 gift articles to give each month ask him to up! Meeting her extended family and friends, its clear we are from incredibly different backgrounds 2.5yrs is gay such. Complex nor a weird hate for money to you state, and was that... Desire to expand and change Andrew Lowery, Traci Lind, Danny,! Even prompt his wealthy parents to cover your costs dating for the last 2.5yrs is gay nearly enough about partners. I pay my own way still, its been a decade now and!
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